Saudade

After months of overtime at work and weekends fill with familial and friend obligations, (People, stop marrying & procreating!  At least space it out better),  I finally have some time to sit down and put together a post.  I don't like to get too personal but as you can see from the post title I'm in one of those mood tonight.

These are my father's hands, I miss them very very much.

I just finished reading Donald Miller's "To catch a Dragon."  The book is about the author's experiences growing up without a father and how that affected him as a child and as an adult.  How he learn to see and deal with the underlying issues.  The whole thing then is tied to God's view on fatherhood and hopefully offer some solace to all those who share the same experiences.

The book scratched a scab that's been with me for as long as I remember, though I thoroughly denied it when I was younger but as you get older you either choose to deal with your problems or spend your days running away.  In my case, my dad didn't abandon me, but circumstances stopped him from being able to actively be part of my life.  Here is him and his wonderful nurse back in April when I visited him in Taiwan.

I miss him in so many ways, all the times we did share and all the possibilities that never was and never will be.  I miss him in ways I'll never understand and more than I'll ever know is that deep inside I long for those red shoes up on the background to be mine, right next mom & dad's.